Failing at Life Part II: This Time It's Personal
[ sycobuny on Wed Apr 30 at 01:18 PM // category: politics, relationships ]
So, I finally read an article today that jogged my memory of Friday night, and what I had gotten so up in arms about.
Now I’m less apologetic.
That’s not to say I’m totally pleased with myself for the way I acted. I just understand it more, and see it less as the dark underbelly upon my soul than I did before. For once, I actually feel less bad about something that happened before, rather than more bad.
From what I remembered, we were talking about some artists and their artwork, and I flew off the handle. Somehow I had turned being snooty into a brawl of words. I was shadowboxing because they didn’t know it was a fight and I was losing even then. When I woke up in the morning all I could remember was that I had suddenly gone rabid and no one was having fun anymore.
However, now I can see what happened a little more clearly. I get very incensed when I hear about things that rub me the wrong way. One of these things is the Body Works mentioned in the article at item #3, and in the picture at the head. It is, in essence, skinned bodies put on display like incredibly violent life-size Barbie dolls. The idea is that the bodies are donated, and that’d be all well and good if they could prove it, but they can’t. Even that wasn’t what bugged me. My friend told me he had taken his niece to see it.
She’s 8.
I don’t often get verbal when I get incensed as mentioned earlier. Usually I recognize it’s not my place to rear a friend’s brother’s child, and that such things will only lead to conflict with no resolution. However, as I mentioned, I was pretty messed up. So, someone took a child to see a display of grotesqueries that reminds me not so much of high art as of the freak shows of old, wherein people’s dignity was ripe for the raping by the members of the cackling public. To my addled mind, this represented a wrong requiring correction. With the only tools my voice, I proceeded to set about hacking away at this misdeed.
But, all that happened was that I insulted people for being so damn foolish, in my opinion. That didn’t go over so well, as I mentioned. My poise and prose was washed away hours earlier with a bottle of liquor. Ad hominem attacks were the best I could manage, and my feeble attempts met with laughter, as one laughs at the drunk on the street arguing with a mailbox. That’s when I got down into the nitty-gritty and called them idiots, and the laughter stopped. The party was officially over and all I felt was bad because I couldn’t remember even what we were talking about that got me so thoroughly riled. But now I remember, and I no longer feel the need to shave my head in penance.
Things piss me off, and then I respond. This is a natural reaction. Usually I bite my tongue, but it was too far loosened. So, I spoke out of turn. But, I didn’t speak out of the blue, and that’s where my concern came from.
-- sycobuny // 2008.04.30 @ 01:18 PM
