Strange Dream
[ sycobuny on Fri Apr 25 at 10:54 AM // category: health ]
I had a dream last night that my heart was on the verge of failure. My mother and I were in a store and they had some new-fangled device that could supplant the heart’s function inside the body, and was powered by some micronuclear reactor. Well, being as how it was imminent that I was about to drop dead at any moment, we called up an old neighbor who happened to be a doctor, and she did the operation to put that thing in.
I didn’t really remember much about the operation, but there was a not-necessarily-notable lack of recovery time (this was, after all, a dream), but what I couldn’t figure out was what they had done with my heart. After talking with my mother, it turns out they’d done the operation on the bathroom floor of the store, and after using the toilet tank as cold storage decided I didn’t really need it after all and chucked it.
It was weird, while my mother was describing the “operation” it was like I could see myself being operated on. Naturally, being as how my heart was out of my body and there was nothing else to keep me “alive,” one could describe it as an out-of-body experience. At any rate, I spent the whole rest of the dream walking around with this thing in my chest and I felt entirely out-of-sorts, as though I could feel a lack of beating (because it didn’t just mimic the functionality of the heart, it somehow went around the necessity of pumping blood at all). I guess the best way you could describe it was that I felt hollow.
Ordinarily I can figure out what dreams mean, and I don’t like to let them bother me that much; but, lately, they’ve been creeping over my conscious hours and playing havoc with the rest of my day. I’ve been concerned for a while that I treat my body horribly and that one day my heart will simply fail. Seeing as how that’s always on my mind, that’s not what’s bugging me.
Right now I’ve got echoes of that hollow feeling.
-- sycobuny // 2008.04.25 @ 10:54 AM
